Man "Trapped" in Golf Simulator After Earthquake, Not Hiding from Family

Man "Trapped" in Golf Simulator After Earthquake, Not Hiding from Family
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By Jay Nordt

SAN DIEGO, CA — Local father of three, Brian Halstead, has reportedly been "trapped" in his home golf simulator for the past 36 hours following a 5.0 magnitude earthquake that mildly jostled some lawn chairs and knocked over a scented candle. According to Halstead, the quake “shifted the doorframe just enough” to prevent him from exiting the garage where his indoor golf simulator is located. Emergency services were not called, and Halstead insists rescue efforts would be futile until he finishes the back nine at Pebble Beach.

“It’s chaos in here,” said Halstead from inside the temperature-controlled, fully stocked man cave, between sips of a cold IPA and gentle club practice swings. “The mini fridge is hanging on by a thread—of delicious, artisanal beer. Please tell my wife I love her and that I’ll be out as soon as I beat my personal record.” Family members report hearing consistent laughter and the faint sounds of The Masters commentary, but Halstead maintains those are just coping mechanisms for the trauma of being allegedly “entombed”.

Neighbors grew suspicious when Halstead was seen receiving a DoorDash delivery through a cracked window and asking the driver if he had any extra tees. His wife, Julie, says she’s beginning to doubt the legitimacy of the entrapment, especially after he declined help from her father, a retired firefighter, citing “structural integrity concerns” and “a suspicious wind direction on hole 13.” Authorities have declined to intervene, stating, “Honestly, we get it.”

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